it's funny because it's true

if i had a dollar for every time someone asked me 'why are you so hard on yourself?', i'd probably add up all of my money and worry that i could have more.

i have a problem

in that i consistently have nightmares.

this morning i had an emotional nightmare - which means that instead of being killed by undead intruders, i was betrayed by a loved one - and as a result i've been in a funk all day.

food with lots of garlic helps.

looking through paint swatches helps.

my dog's face helps.

living the day and realizing that things are most likely ok outside of my subconscious helps.

you may be prettier

but i'm more of a mad fucking mess.

burn it

The tallgrass prairie is an ecosystem native to central North America, with fire as its primary periodic disturbance. In the past, tallgrass prairies covered a large portion of the American Midwest, just east of the Great Plains, and portions of the Canadian Prairies. They flourished in areas with rich loess soils and moderate rainfall of around 30 to 35 inches (760 to 890 mm) per year. To the east were the fire-maintained eastern savannas. In the northeast, where fire was infrequent and periodic windthrow represented the main source of disturbance, beech-maple forests dominated. Shortgrass prairie was typical in the western Great Plains, where rainfall is less frequent and soils are less fertile. (.)

lollipop kid

i am angry. but i am also melodic and better at turning a phrase than you are.

it's not that notable, really

today i was jessica stevenson in spaced.

only when i yelled 'why is everyone talking about my ass?' i did it inside my own head.

'you look like you're in your own little world'

today i ran into a friend while listening to a podcast.

it wasn't the first time it took ages for someone to get my attention in this situation.

thanks, ira.

where was i again

some life facts have shifted, both important and mundane.

i have been invited to rebuild the collection i had to jettison when i moved to england; books and dvds, mainly. which is like trying to revive the person i was when i purchased them. i forget what i like.

i feel a bit lost. it's disconcerting but strangely pleasant, like when a limb falls asleep. except it's my past that's trying to wake up.

in the sixties everything was honey-coloured

i am not fifteen, and i don't have my own room anymore now that i am grown up and married.

but if i were not grown up and married, and i were fifteen today and pinning things on my wall...

• this photograph of julie newmar
• a chart of copy-editing symbols
• 1990s miniskirts and chunky knits
• drawings of french bulldogs

floods

there are times i look in the mirror and am quite happy to be a bit too long and a bit too awkward.

my left side wants nothing to do with you

if you were making a horror movie, and your chief demographic was...me, your heroine would be forced to take antibiotics.

(my left ear has swollen shut.)

please

just wrap me in a blanket and tell me that i'm pretty.

proust

your favorite virtue.
resilience.

your favorite qualities in a man.
those that my husband possesses.

your favorite qualities in a woman.
fearlessness.

your chief characteristic.
worry.

what you appreciate the most in your friends.
the fact that i have any.

your main fault.
incredibly strong grudge-carrying muscles.

your favourite occupation.
drawing.

your idea of happiness.
dinner in northern italy, overseen by a bespectacled wine elf.

your idea of misery.
wet socks.

if not yourself, who would you be?
probably a boy.

where would you like to live?
one foot in my native city, one in my chosen country.

your favourite colour and flower.
purple. and purple.

your favourite prose authors.
kelly link. dorothy parker. nabokov.

your favourite poets.
diane diprima. michael ondaatje.

your favourite heroes in fiction.
atticus finch. zooey glass.

your favourite heroines in fiction.
isabel archer. buffy summers.

your favourite painters and composers.
margheritta manzelli. victor hugo.
duke ellington. andrew bird.

your heroes in real life.
jim henson.

your favorite heroines in real life.
any woman who remains spiky, interesting and defiant well into old age.

what characters in history do you most dislike?
pick a pope, any pope.

your heroines in world history.
nancy spungeon.

your favourite food and drink.
pizza. caviar. gin. champagne.

your favourite names.
luke. aloysius.

what i hate the most.
atavistic, backward-thinking, racist, homophobic, xenophobic white men. with power.

world history characters i hate the most.
atavistic, backward-thinking, racist, homophobic, xenophobic white men. with power.

the military event i admire the most.
any that was successfully avoided.

the reform i admire the most.
the move away from humour-based medical theory to true anatomical understanding.

the natural talent i'd like to be gifted with.
physical grace and elegant posture.

how i wish to die.
in costume.

what is your present state of mind.
earache.

for what fault have you most toleration?
any that i personally struggle with.

your favourite motto.
if i can laugh at it, i win.

'i'm a pretty outspoken princess, right?'

when i roll up at a new job and get introduced around, i often get wistful, misty-eyed smiling looks from older men, as if they're remembering some sweet romantic encounter from their past with a pretty girl that maybe looked a bit like me though without the stilts for legs. they sit at their desks or stand in front of me, looking a bit embarrassed, making awkward jokes, and waiting for me to leave the room before saying something unprofessional about me.

this, of course, is before they realize what a raging cunt i can be.

it's like the morse code of my heart

hello, winter. i see you've followed me to england. only, in a less oppressive/deadly incarnation.

thanks.

'i like you just the way you are'

there are no tits in indie.

flesh just gets in the way.

last night we were asked our new year's resolutions

between mid-december 2008 and mid-december 2009, the following happened in my life:

i became a college graduate.

i became an immigrant.

i became a wife.

i became a pet owner.

i became employed in my new country.


i think i've done enough to count for a few year's worth of work and change. so i don't have any new year's resolutions. my plan is to coast and try not to mess up anything i gained in 2009.

(though, because i'm a brat, my answer to the resolution question at the time was 'to be a little less awesome, and slightly less good-looking, because at this point i fear i'm showing off.')

to anyone who had a shit year last year, i hearby step back and give you some of the luck and happiness that carried me through. i'm just gonna chill.