trust

a slut is a slut.

is a slut.

'here is my brother on the donkey'

i am six feet tall.

'i don't think english men are very attractive'

me: really? oh, i do. i think they're hot, though not in a rugged way.

her: see, that's what i'm into. some guy with a square jaw who, like, just cut down a tree and can pick me up and stuff.

me: i like a man who looks like he spends a lot of time sitting down.

oi

this morning i picked up my sparkling hippie friend at heathrow.

and then i projectile vomited on the platform at paddington station.



i am so punk.

what do we do when we fail?

a) pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again.

b) jim-jam yourself up, cover yourself up, drink until you're asleep.

c) sharpen your skill for pointing out exactly what's wrong with other people. start with whomever is trying to help you see the bright side of things.

d) don't hate, hibernate. [wait, isn't that the same as option b? no. and shut up.]

e) shoplift.

f) consult wikipedia. note how really democratic it is about your situation. remember that wikipedia is written by people who spend their lives flexing their knowledge on wikipedia.

g) oreos. neil diamond. a snazzy wig.

h) lather, rinse, repeat.

i see you seeing me

not long ago, i changed all my major online passwords because i suspected someone had been messing with my accounts.

soon after i realized that nobody i know gives that much of a shit about me.



the internet is a radio on steroids.

most mixed up non-delinquent on the block

i'd love some comfort food for lunch.

but the chippy's so far away and besides, i'm drunk.

you say you're a ghost in our house and i realize i do think i see through you

turn-ons:

* food and drink
* episodes of 'this american life' listened to whilst in countries other than america as an attempt to ward off homesickness
* dead things preserved in jars

turn-offs:
* when the bottoms of jeans get wet from dragging through the rain, and the damp heavy denim remains a nagging uncomfortable presence on leg skin all day
* the fact that i smoke like a non-smoker